[Listen, can you smell the pain?]

April 2004 Update: I moved the platonic stuff over to It just kind of happened, sorry for the abrupt departure. Some minor tweaks and fixes are pending; in the meantime, please enjoy the vintage goodness.

October 2000 Update: Apologies for the downtime; my ISP was bought out recently and much hilarity (note: not "funny ha-ha") has ensued. Needles to say, I will be looking for another home shortly, and I might as well do some much needed updates. In the future, this page will live on or about, so look there for updates. Heck, I've got the domain, might as well use it. You can also mail me at which should be good forever, or as long as the current domain-name system is valid. I figure dotcom addresses will be as quaint as named phone numbers (i.e. KLOndike-1234) in a few fruit fly generations or so.

Welcome to my temporary, mostly unretouched home page.

(It's gonna look ugly for a while. Like I had to tell you. I was planning a major site redesign, but MindVox blew up ahead of schedule, so I'm throwing this up to maintain my not un-token Web presence. So I'll be painstakingly transferring my pages here, but only after a lengthy Quality Assurance process, which means that for the time-being, I'll be going for the rag-tag, fugitive fleet look.)

Copyright Joe Loong, © 1995-2003 All Rights Reserved. Nyah.

WARNING: This page is BORING...boring into your soul, that is!!!

NOTE: This page is not under construction: it just sucks

NOTE THE SECOND: This page contains NO material that can be considered adult, sexually explicit or obscene; if you are really, really, really sensitive, it may be indecent, in which case you should shut your eyes and immediately get off the Internet because the BAD PEOPLE are coming to get you. And it's worse than you think: it's the United States Congress.)

Oh, and the President has a little something to do with it too. And that Arianna Huffington must be stopped. Check out the VTW homepage.

NOTE THE THIRD: This page brought to you in part by the Tuxedo Manufacturers of America. Remember, if you're not wearing a tuxedo, you're a tree sloth! Buy more tuxedos!! Operators are STANDING BY!!!

This is an image of me wearing a tuxedo.  
You're really missing out:  come back with a graphical browser and be 

"The name is Logon. Joelogon."

THIS is the top 5% of the Web?  Now I know we're in trouble.
Well, there goes the neighborhood. Either really believes that my Platonic Friends page is in the Top 5% of all websites, or they're trying to attract more males with obsessive personalities.

I've SOLD OUT to CORPORATE INTERESTS! What do Elizabeth Berkley, Virtual Boy, and me have in common? Not much (though "I'm a *dancer*!") Not much, that, is, until all of us were mentioned in the Oct. 13 (er, that's 199..5?) issue of Entertainment Weekly. Yes, Joelogon's Foolproof Guide to Making Any Woman Your Platonic Friend, a nightmare of depravity.

This is an 
image of the majestic Babes of the Web II Seal of Approval.

They Can't Take That Away From Me: Me = Babe
I was added to the Babes on the Web II page. Really. It was a cool page, but I guess Blake got respectable.

When I'm not busy preening, I work. For America Online. Deal with it. I tend to float when immersed in water. I graduated from Duke University, with a double-major in Political Science and History, whereupon I made salads for a living. Consequently, I have an unreasoning fear of being elbow-deep in lettuce. If you want to know anything more about me, you'll just have to wait.

If this is a Web Page, where are the links?

Not nearly new!! Joelogon's Foolproof Guide to Making Any Woman Your Platonic Friend. I laugh, but I hurt, too.

My internet provider is pretty dead. (*BOOM*) Plus, it was featured in a book, Surfing the Internet, by J.C. Herz. You say you wanna be cool, too? Well, at least the Voxxers live on.

I have pictures of my sister. She's not naked, you perv. (I am, though.)

All four of my wisdom teeth were forcibly extracted on April 27, 1995. I experienced considerable discomfort. Share my pain.

In the past, I'd considered spam-posting MAKE.MONEY.FAST because I didn't get enough e-mail. Now, however, I'm buried under e-mail, both pathetic and uplifting (well, mostly pathetic), as a result of responses to my Foolproof Guide to Making Any Woman Your Platonic Friend. I'm way behind in adding responses to my page, let alone answering it, but please be assured that all mail is read, and I will be adding it Real Soon Now (in my copious spare time.) Please send questions, comments, or editorial opinions to: