<JKMcA> So where am I? I'm talking to my pseudo-girlfriend and she tells me that she doesn't want to go out w/me "Because she likes me too much?" Does that sound like bunches of bull to Y'all too?
*JKMcA* I found out why the girl that broke up with me did so. It seems that she couldn't deal with the fact that I am a man of substance. (I don't like it myself, but...)Style. Style over substance. For example, try wearing a tux.
"You're like a brother to me"...whoopee! i hate that one!--evilcat
"I'm just not ready for a relationship, right now." ...yeah, because you are recovering from your breakup with that jerk i _told_ you was wrong for you!--evilcat
"You're too good of a person for me to go out with." What??????? "You're too nice." What??????? "You're not my type." Meaning: "What I am looking for is a bluejean vendor who sells his goods along the same highway he sleeps under." "I don't want to loose what we have as friends." In other words, you are not what I want, and I am just too chicken-shit to tell you the truth. -- belliot
Ever had a woman give you the line, "I am just not myself anymore since we have been spending so much time together. I think we should spend some time apart and maybe date other people." -- belliot[also, see more of belliot's comments. Apparently, he has a lot of unresolved issues here.]
"...I'm just not attracted to you! You're *very cute*, though." -- BobI bet she likes ripping the stuffing out of teddy bears, too.
Subject: A sick twist... Actually, I have a female friend that I would *like* to remain friends with, and vice versa, as we are both married to other people. But, for some reason (unconscious body signals? pheromones?) she thinks I am attempting something more, and, after three weeks of aggravation, we may have to dissolve the initial friendship. Not quite along the lines of your very funny pages, but darkly humorous nonetheless. -- B-K.P.Um. Boy, that 'already married' thing sorta sneaks up on ya, don't it?
Subject: Bitterness
How frighteningly accurate this Web page is! I laughed until
I realized that I was another victim of "Let's just be friends."
If I could count thenumber of times I've arrived at someone's apartment
at 1:30 am to console her about boyfriend troubles.... Anyway, I just
thought I'd let you know how terrific it is to know that there are
countless other guys out there who are getting shafted as much as I am.
I will continue to visit your outstanding page and will recommend it to
all my internet-savvy friends. Thanks!
Marc
Rochester Institute of Technology - motto: "No girls to distract you!"
All times listed are EST -- check local listings for details. Remember:
only by sharing our pain can we hope to...make other people feel bad, too.
From: Dean C. P. Subject: my sad story Re: Women, Platonic friendship, and all that crap. Hey, great, insightful stuff. I add my two cents. My sad story is about gals who are good friends and suddenly, like flipping a light switch, become strangers. [...] One gal told me she thought we were getting too close. Okay, fine. She could have told me that 6 months earlier and saved me a lot of grief! Another didn't want to come clean. She just kept saying "Don't worry about it", her catchall phrase which when decoded seems to mean "You aren't worthy of an honest response, so get lost." [...] Dean's Rule #45. The truth hurts for a moment. A lie hurts for a long time.Worth considerably more than two cents (well, except maybe for the platitute at the end, which I would hazard is worth no more than two cents). Full text available.
From: kjones "Yeah, I undestand how you feel, and I really like you a lot, too, but, see, I've, like, met this guy...." - JestyrI think it was best summed up in Top Gun : "Woo-hoo, Jester's dead!"
Your Page Rocks! Have you been watching my relationship with Jen while writing that plutonic page? I have a few quotes but I doubt they are appropriate for the page. But for your own amusement... "Of course it was a plutonic relationship, I never laid a dick on her" -some drunk guy 1995 Evil woman "But your such a good friend..." Good male "To hell with you, I never liked you, you are no friend of mine... Now can we go out?" -me You have earned a permanent place on my page! Doug 'nice guy at large' H.Four things:
From: Wolske Subject: The Treatment; Help us find a cure... Thanks man, I think this page is the first step towards healing for a lot of men and women out there. I'd just like to throw in a couple more killer lines that I've been told: (Her, on the topic of losing her virginity) "I wish I had waited for someone like you" ..and from the same girl... "I am definately going to marry someone like you." I think you also need to expand on what to do when something happens between you and you "friend" that wasn't supposed to, ie, you are both drinking on New Years Eve, and she's in your bed the next morning... In my case, four days later (as soon as I could) I drove 5 hours so that I could sit with her and her family for 8 hours until we could finally get around to mentioning the "Incident". Her solution was that we had been drinking and we should try and forget it ever happened. I'm guessing she already had, because I don't think I could ever erase the memories of that evening. That happened 3 years ago, and I've only seen her 3 times in the last year, and not once in the last 4 months. Should I get back in touch with her? Also, if you follow "Friends" and that guy with that Rachel chick, I think you could do a case study on them... Good Luck!I'm sorry: any healing you derive from this page is purely coincidental; I don't give advice, and I don't do case studies on fictional tv characters, even though I am eminently qualified, since I have perfect hair, wear pancake makeup regularly, live in a huge and color-coordinated apartment, and am only funny for 24 minutes out of every day.
A friend of mine, though, claims to know Jennifer Anniston (the actress who plays Rachel), so who knows: Jennifer, I'm available...for story ideas, that is!
From: Justin I am suffering from heartbreak. My fiance left me to live on her own, and has a new romantic attachment to boot. It feels like I can't win. (And strangely enough, all this support comes out of nowhere! This Web page was made for me in the nick of time! Karma!) She says she would like to be friends, but I'm so hurt and so angry for dumping me, I'd rather hate her guts rather than be chummy. And if I did decide to be friends, it wouldn't be easy. How can I be friends with someone who I used to have sex with, but now is having sex with someone else? My heart would like her company, but my loins want more. If I has some sort of compensation like she has, a friendship would be very likely, but not now. I WANT TO BE ROMANTICALLY ACTIVE AGAIN! What I want to know is- * When is it not too soon to start dating again? * Where the hell do you meet classy, fun, intelligent, nice caring women, who enjoys life in and out of the bedroom? I enjoy sex too much- I don't want to get married to have sex. * If you post or respond to the personals in the paper, does that mean you are a desparate, love-starved, loser?
From: Dirk Subject: You know it, pal So after three years of platonic friendship, of telling myself 'Hey, she's a good friend, you don't want to lose that, keep it on a friendly level', of consoling myself with loose women who couldn't hold a candle to her, after all of that we're sitting around one night drunk after a night on the town and somehow we end up kissing and it's everything, it's infinite hope and love and promise and the whole world is spinning around THAT ONE KISS. And she breaks it and gives me the old 'Don't want to jeapordize our friendship` line. Jeez. You should add something to your home page -- the Platonic Relationship Veterans Memorial. An online tribute to all of the women who've doomed us to months of lonely masturbation.To paraphrase Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction : That was more information than I needed.
Between loins and masturbation I think I should just reiterate:
Subject: Try this Platonic Friend Disaster Coming from the man whose seen it all and done it all regarding Platonic relationships that I wish weren't so platonic, see if you ever heard this one, Finding out after a number of months of following around your new platonic friend that she is married!!! Here's the story:[Joelogon's Notes: Motto: "When You Can't Be Bothered with the Whole Thing"]
It begins as the classic simp meets girl story...I met this girl... the usual stuff happened...I was either going to speak up or remain silent forever, kicking myself everyday and living in the land of could-have-beens...I completely lost it...I copped out....And I was left alone again and to this day I never saw her again. The Platonic E.You don't want to see the full story, do you? Sure you do.
I got my platonic friend, and things worked out great. I thought I was one of the statistical few who had managed this when, of course, my brother, who had been platonic with her, came home. Happy Joy. Bet you can figure out the rest, but I can't. Don't worry, I'm still working on it. I figure that things will still work out, but of course Murphy (of Murphy's Law fame) will undoubtedly make a guest appearence. Wish me luck! -- WillNow, I'm going to say one word, and you're going to tell me the first thing that pops into your head.
<barton> well if i can be serious for a second, i don't like to hurt my friends <barton> i hate it when i think i am giving them the DON'T SAY YOU LIKE ME signals and they don't get them <barton> women can sense a man's neediness <barton> and at least with me, it makes me running screaming in the other direction <joelogon> neediness in what sense, bart? <barton> like the person feels that he's incomplete and sees something within you that can fill his need <barton> i hate when that happens. heh
Two good looking people cannot be "just friends" and if they do, there are certainly "non-friendly" thoughts going on which can clog any sensible thoughts. I think it is difficult for both sexes. I know I've wanted to be "just friends" w/men and they want more - sorry, I told you up front what I wanted. It's tough on guys, women are such teases and it makes it difficult them for them [men] to know where they stand. Just a women's perspective. -- DeborahMy head spins
why look at it as a type of affront to your masculinity? being friends with a woman/man, can be an incredibly exciting confrontal experience. it can also be, with the right person, stimulating foreplay I konw i'm in that position right now.it is an honor to be friends, friends allow each other, they place no big demands/commitiments/conditions, expectations. try it. -- jenezeGreat. All I have to do now is figure out what "confrontal" means.
I 'd want to be friends. -- MarinaEvil. You are evil.
Shattered males my ass...there are just as many shattered females as there are shattered men. Gee Joe, and I was really beginning to like you.... -- cybersinThere was a smiley there. You can't see it, but it's there. Really.
We women are often on the receiving end of "The Treatment" too! Or maybe the guy who's currently putting me through this Hell is thinking that I'm giving him "The Treatment"? Would guys prefer to wait and let us make the first move? And why would he start things, and then move back into the "Friend Zone"? -- loriThe quarterback drops back into the pocket...looks downfield...receiver breaks "The Zone"... then *WHAM* the QB's hit from behind! Oooh, he's gonna feel that tomorrow....
Your article made me laugh. Males and females suffer from this problem. I've done it to men and men have done it to me. Thanks for the laugh -- vcSo was that a knowing, sheepish laugh, or a viscious, evil, mocking laugh?
From: "A Student At U.T.S. (Kuring-Gai Campus)" Subject: Why girls just want to be friends Growing up, I found that the most loyal, fun and easy going friends were guys. Sick of bitchiness and backstabbing I mostly associated with guys. My boyfriend at the moment is also my best friend, which is probably the most important part of our relationship. When a girl tells you that she just wants to be friends, don't take it as a rejection, as it probably isn't you but another limiting factor. Take the friendship as offerred. Don't give up on trying to get a girl because perserverance and determination are both admirable and loveable traits. As soon as you try and push a girl into something she's not ready for, the sooner you will lose her. Good luck mate, i hope you stick around for that girl who wants you for not only friendship, but for the relationship that you want.Okay, I'm definitely taking my next vacation in Australia.
From: Tara Subject: Bitter bitter man Okay buddy....I assume YOU wrote this page, and obviusly you've been brutally hurt by some woman who just wanted to be your friend. WOuld you rather she have led you on and on only to REALLY break your heart? Women value friendship more than any man. I know my friends are more important to me. So wake up and think of how important it is she cares that much to keep a friendship with you. And if you were any kind of a man, you would respect that instead of hoping for some one sided relationship, which is what you seem to be aiming for. Have a nice day. :)Gee, wild guesses and blanket generalizations have never been more on target. And that smiley makes everything okay.
From: Erica Subject: That Friend Thing Last year, I was dating three men. Another man, who was a wonderful platonic friend (and listened with great attentiveness to all my date stories), finally told me that he wanted to throw his hat into the dating ring as well. We had gone on platonic outings, but no "real" dates. I told him, "OK, but you know what I'm like." We're getting married next year. Because he knew what I was like, and placed no demands on me. He also never gave me an ultimatum -- it just occurred to me that none of the other guys I was dating were worth losing him over. They cared about having me with them, he cared about being with me. It just snuck up on me, I tell ya! -- Happily Ever After, EricaHmm, starts out like a European sex farce, ends like "When Harry Met Sally." If I were a lesser man, I would lash out in a childish manner and become even more bitter. Congratulations.
From: Dean here is a resource for those who fail with your page..ha ha This note is sent to inform you of a free support system for those going through divorce and the chaos afterwards. I have established the DIVORCE HOMEPAGE, an online support place with links to information on legal, counseling, child rearing,etc. You can access the page at: http://www.primenet.com/~dean(Dean is mistaken, by the way -- a failure to understand this page indicates a successful reintegration into society and ability to form meaningful relationships [unless you are a complete sociopath, in which case the chances are pretty good that you are eating somebody's liver with fava beans and a fine claret]...and my inclusion of a male voice in this "women said"-section belies my apparent calmness and non-bitterness.)
From: Kitty Hello joelogon. I feel your disappointment. I "empathize" with you. There now, do you feel better? OK, here are 2 strategies not guaranteed to work. When you meet Ms. Right (#324) converse for a while, charm her as best you can, then... confess that you're "gay". WOW! Now she's got a goal. Or, beat them to the punch and tell them although they're extremely attractive, beautiful...(blah, blah, blah, insert male bullsh#t here) you only want to be their friend. HAH! That'll get them. Works for me. OK, I lied. I've actually never had a problem getting a date, boyfriend, husband, etc. I'm on hubby #2 now. But you seem like such a cute little guinea pig. Let me know how it turns out!
You heard it here, first, guys. Just don't try these techniques all at once, or it might seem suspicious.
Remember: Multiple Husbands = Instant Credibility in affairs of the heart. By the way, are you still friends with Hubby #1?
From the-concourse-on-high Subject: not just men... It's not just men who suffer through this sort of thing... What about the friend that you'd be willing to be more-than- friends with, and you suspect that maybe he would be willing too, but it can't happen because his best friend is the guy you just broke up with, but still you hang out together all the time, and everyone you know assumes you're a couple, but you're not, really, because neither of you wants the other to know that you could be that selfish and hurt the feelings of the recently dumped best friend...Deep breath, now...
Subject: women get the treatment, too Hi, Joe...i loved reading your page on platonic relationships...the do's and don'ts page made me cry because they sounded so terribly familiar. You may not believe it, but women also get the 'just want to be friends' treatment...right now, it's driving me crazy, absolutely insane. Your description of the agony, the torture of wanting to make something happen but fearing that any action will result in a final, absolute rejection is so very right-on. As a woman, i do know that men suffer, too: of course. But just remember that a woman can feel just as frustrated, and defeated, as a man. Sorry, this sounds rather pathetic, but i FEEL just as bad as the hypothetical guy on your page. ruthThis was a cogent, emotional, and deeply moving post. I don't want to see any more like it.
Hi there.... Anyways, cute pages. I had no idea my friendships were causing such heartache amongst my male friends. They hid it well. Anyways, what, you think all women are mindreaders? The only way I'd be able to pick up on a guy liking me is if he openly declared it or had a skywriter do it for him. I think, and I realize I am but a lone voice here, that you should maybe add a tipsheet for women like me, who may have a male friend that likes us, but whose parents never gave us the skills to figure that out. I know it would sure help me out, since right now *I'm* the one trying to figure out if a male friend wants more or not. Any thoughts you have in this area would be thankfully received. Cheers -- JenniferI'm sorry, while I realize that such a tipsheet for women might be beneficial to male/female relations, in the wrong hands, such a sheet could be used to obliterate the few remaining secure and emotionally mature males out there. Such a thing must never be allowed to happen. Besides, any such move would require me to give up my cherished notion that this emotional trainwreck is unavoidable and not my fault, shattering my belief systems, and giving me a false sense of hope.
[actually, I'm hoping to institute just such a tipsheet: I just have to insulate it from all this cynicism and raging bitterness. Watch this space!]
Subject: Let's be Friends I am a female who has heard that phrase. Actually, from my live-in boyfriend after totally uprooting my life. Moved 1500 miles to be with him after accelerating a divorce. After 12 months, he needed "space" and told me, "I still love you. I'm just not 'in love' with you. And you are STILL my best friend." ACK! -- eewweeEiw. What TV show do you suppose he got that line from? And do you think you could track down the writer who came up with that dialogical gem, so he (gotta be a guy) can be flogged?