An Open Letter to Hot Bartender Kacey Doxsey

Dear Hot Bartender Kacey Doxsey,

Hi. You don't know me. And I don't know you. But in an earlier blog entry about St. Patrick's Day last year, I did excerpt a bit of a Newsvine/AP story, which featured a picture of you (with caption), mixing four gallons of traditional St. Paddy's Day Margaritas at One Eyed Lizzy's in Savannah, Georgia, where you were apparently working at the time, and which is also apparently the only bar left in the Western Hemisphere that doesn't have a Web site.

Now, I don't know if you're still working there. Or if you're even still in the Greater Savannah area. And I don't know, in point of fact, if you are a hot bartender. You could be a hot manager. Or a hot barback. Or a hot server. In fact, I'm not even sure that you're hot (the picture is kind of dark), but I'm guessing that you are, since according to my referrer logs, people are searching on your name in Google, and they hit my blog on a fairly regular basis. (Actually, this was truer in August of 2006, when I first started drafting this.)

Maybe the people who are searching for you are friends with whom you've lost touch. Or maybe it's because you have an unusually spelled, rhyming name that people remember. Or it could be that you have a manner that really puts people at ease. Or maybe you're a meth dealer. Or you're very sexually open. I really have no idea.

Anyway, the point of all this, besides just snarking on some random girl just because she happened to be featured in a newspaper photo caption last year, is that I just wanted to let you know that if you're ever feeling down, just know that there are people who are interested in knowing more about you.

Also, you might want to consider carrying pepper spray, and an edged or impact weapon, and remember to always be aware of your surroundings.

Regards,

Joelogon

P.S. I'm sure Savannah is really nice. Considering all that, you know, unpleasantness a century or two ago. I've never been -- actually, I think I did pass through back in 1993, when Duke played Cal in the NCAA tournament -- we were coming back from Fripp Island, which has nothing to do with King Crimson, and we stopped in some sports bar -- I'm sure it wasn't yours, to watch what turned out to be a loss (damn you, Jason Kidd! Never forget!)

Tags: kacey doxsey, one eyed lizzy's, st. patricks day margarita

Boston Sucks, But Boston Mooninite Terror Victimization Apologists Suck More

More follow-on from this week's Mooninite terror attack dry-run.

Thursday night, I was listening to CBC radio show As It Happens; they were talking with Boston Globe columnist Brian McGrory, who was at the press conference/farce/performance art by The Mooninite Two, Peter Berdovsky and Sean Stevens.

McGrory was somewhat peeved, since the two clowns weren't sufficiently contrite at their press conference to soothe ruffled feathers caused by the ridiculous overreaction of the Bostonian homeland security apparatus.

However, he put this up in Bostonians' defense -- that Boston is particularly sensitive to terror concerns because of what happened on September 11th.

Come again?

Here it is at the 6:29 mark [Real Audio]:

"Before you make fun of us, you've got to remember that two planes on September 11th took off from Boston and we are particularly sensitive about these kinds of things."

Ah, I see -- because two of the 9/11 flights took off from Logan (and one of them was essentially a terrorist lay-over), Boston has been particularly victimized by terror and should get special consideration.

Generally speaking, he seemed to be a reasonable with most of his other points, but he falls off the deep end again with this homer howler (7:50):

"It's a really tough call on whether somebody overreacts or underreacts. Obviously, Boston is the only city that reacted like this, but Boston also has a tough history with terrorism in America."

Unless Boston had some spate of domestic terror in the 60s or 70s that I'm overlooking (or maybe he's counting the Big Dig as terrorism) I would suggest that McGrory and the rest of Boston just take their lumps on this one, instead of trying to play the "9/11 affected us particularly hard" card.

In other words, shut up, you sound like a douchebag:

Tags: aqua teen hunger force, bomb threat, boston sucks, greg mcgrory, mooninite two