I Should Just Give Up and Take Up Stalking

I really should just give up and pursue stalking as a dating strategy. Not the "if I can't have you, no one can" violent stalking. Or the "she's sending me secret coded love messages through the TV" delusional stalking. Just the good-old fashioned, "admiration from afar... gone too far" stalking.

It's nonconfrontational -- at least, if you're any good at it -- so it's perfect for me, as I was just reminded recently that I am just a big ole chickenshit.

I think... no, I know that I'd be pretty good at it.

I have binoculars. I'm unobtrusive. I can employ a laserlike focus when I need to.

Most importantly, I'm really good at remembering useless bits of personal trivia gleaned from small talk and everyday conversations (both direct and overheard); combined with an above-average ability to do Web searches, this means I can track you down, figure out your schedule -- all those good core stalking competencies.

Not remembering a name even after I've met someone (non-stalking material) three times? Still working on that part. But tell me your first name, you're a runner, went to Georgetown and live in Arlington, and I can track down your phone number.

Boy, that didn't go over so well.

Anyway, there's no fear of rejection, even if people do happen to stumble upon your incredibly obliquely-worded blog entries (or even entire Web site), so there's no pressure. Very low stress. Relaxing, even.

Tags: dating strategy, chickenshit, stalking